For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory,
of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit,
now and ever and unto the ages of ages.
(The Lord’s Prayer)
With every passing day of my life I pray and hope that I don’t get converted from an agnostic to an atheist. Yes, I realize the obvious paradox. But maybe there is something that urges me to become a believer. Maybe it was the way I was brought up. God had His place and it was to be revered. My childhood passed engrossed in the rituals of praying every morning, even more so on Saturdays. It was unquestioning- it was what is termed as blind faith. Then something happened. I grew up.
When I look back (and around) I realize that nothing phenomenally awful happened to me. It was like a gradual transformation. The faith from god started evaporating, just like faith from a lot of other things had evaporated. Blame the hollow ideals that we are fed upon since our cradle!!!
But sometimes, like today I wish that I firmly believed in god. There wouldn’t be this sense of abandonment then. So now, I feel stranded when I have to take an examination that I am clueless about. I feel stranded when I am walking alone on the streets of the rape capital of
All I can think now is of Beckett’s “Waiting For Godot” where Didi and Gogo keep waiting for Godot to come. They fight, are desperate and cruel at the same time. They are the subjects of scatological humor. They even try to commit suicide. But they wait for Godot (who might be God for all we know!) to come. Till the very end of the play Godot doesn’t turn up but they keep waiting because there’s no other way out. For them it’s the eternal waiting or death. They choose the waiting because they believe or are perhaps forced to believe. Today, I wish something could force me to believe…
Very well written !! Keep writing !!
ReplyDeleteBelieving makes life so much simpler but if you are the nonconforming type with a mind of your own how difficult it is to believe.
I do believe now after long debates...am convinved...and thats what helps me keep running.. there are mysterious ways may be not of god but there is something, thats my belief...
Thnx aalap..
ReplyDeleteBelieving indeed makes life so much simpler n thats exactly the point. Loss after loss, gain after gain i am not able to curse or thank god..it just doesn't come u know...
I am glad that u have successfully metamorphosed into a believer...wish i cud say the same some day..
Depends on what you infer of God.. if you drop the traditional or conformist definitions of God may be it will become little easier.
ReplyDeleteI have my own definition and the belief is not in perfection, equity but of larger meaning to all.. it is not a god which can do miracle but a very logical larger picture of life
not sure if i expressed it well enough...
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ReplyDeleteDefined under a well written paradox, is this belief expressed by you. This thought that most us suffer from but rarely speak. you say you don't believe but the mere acceptance of missing belief is a belief in itself.
ReplyDeleteYou do believe and you are cared. we are never alone but we fail to accept and recognize whats for us.
"a prayer beautifully prayed"