For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory,
of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit,
now and ever and unto the ages of ages.
(The Lord’s Prayer)
With every passing day of my life I pray and hope that I don’t get converted from an agnostic to an atheist. Yes, I realize the obvious paradox. But maybe there is something that urges me to become a believer. Maybe it was the way I was brought up. God had His place and it was to be revered. My childhood passed engrossed in the rituals of praying every morning, even more so on Saturdays. It was unquestioning- it was what is termed as blind faith. Then something happened. I grew up.
When I look back (and around) I realize that nothing phenomenally awful happened to me. It was like a gradual transformation. The faith from god started evaporating, just like faith from a lot of other things had evaporated. Blame the hollow ideals that we are fed upon since our cradle!!!
But sometimes, like today I wish that I firmly believed in god. There wouldn’t be this sense of abandonment then. So now, I feel stranded when I have to take an examination that I am clueless about. I feel stranded when I am walking alone on the streets of the rape capital of
All I can think now is of Beckett’s “Waiting For Godot” where Didi and Gogo keep waiting for Godot to come. They fight, are desperate and cruel at the same time. They are the subjects of scatological humor. They even try to commit suicide. But they wait for Godot (who might be God for all we know!) to come. Till the very end of the play Godot doesn’t turn up but they keep waiting because there’s no other way out. For them it’s the eternal waiting or death. They choose the waiting because they believe or are perhaps forced to believe. Today, I wish something could force me to believe…
